Doing Men Out of the Job

For all those women who think men are big headed, arrogant, ignorant, obnoxious, sexist pigs blah blah BLAH! Fear not...artificial sperm is here!!

Yesterday scientists created the first synthetic human sperm. Which leaves me wondering what else men are actually needed for.

For centuries guys have outnumbered women, 'AGES' (in every sense) ago it was probably because men were so stupid, that when they went out with their sticks with pointy ends to go kill their next meal they got bored of having crap aim and decided to try and catch the huge mammoth with their hands. So death rate would have been high i imagine.

A males main purpose for living is to help introduce new born, into the world...but with synthetic sperm, they surely need one clever, good looking guys 'happy fellows' and then thats it. just replicate. just replicate. just replicate.

So if child producing has been checked off the list, what else is there :\

Well i suppose we can start with music. Both genders are equally famous in the field of music yet Madonna was at the top of Music's top earners this year according to billboard.com, claiming an impressive, and ludicrous, $242,176,466. How many children is she going to attempt to buy with that...africa...be on guard!

Michael jackson has of course just died...and he was the King of Pop, but no one is good enough to replace him so say the press, so male dominance is going to dwindle. With Queen of Pop Madonna bringing in more money, taking off more clothes and dancing even weirder than some of the African tribes she will take her next child from.

Now there is sport. Males have long since thought that women cant or shouldnt play sport as its a mans thing. However female rugby is on the rise, womens football...okay its not as good as males, especially not the commentary. But we can adapt. And as for cricket...well im pretty sure the england womens' XI is doing a hell of a lot better than the mens' at the moment. Then netball is just basketball, and rounders- baseball. The only sport i can think of that women dont play is american football...but you never know. bound to be some bruisers around that are willing to punch/maul/kick/smash other peoples faces in. So sport is almost having the revolution of female dominance now!

Politics. Always a male dominant field. But Margaret Thatcher made it. Hilary Clinton almost did, and then there is Sarah Palin, the famous pitbull with makeup. Unfortunately Sarah, lipstick can do very little for a dogs face :P Our government is always on about how more women should be and will be involved in politics...in a recent debate our bumbling excuse of a prime minister was flanked by two women. And i have a few mates who want to get into politics and law...one of them even wants to be PM. She'd be pretty good too i reckon.

There is the saying 'behind every great man, is an even better woman' but the time is coming where the woman is going to be at the front, and the slob at the back is the reject male who cant be arsed to get off his arse to go look for a new job, after his wife was better qualified for it than he was. The entire female work force is growing, females in seats of power within business and they do a ruddy good job too. So women can also be the breadwinner.

Now where does that leave us poor guys.

Women can now have children without a father....and no doubt be modelled in an image they please because the clever female scientists down at the lab have genetically modified some things so designer babies are finally possible. So now we have an extremely clever...good looking huwoman race. They can also be the breadwinner, 'bring in the doe'. They can play sport and have fun wild nights at a party. I mean a group of guys in a night club are not going to have as much fun as a group of girls are they!

Women can do everything!

and that is the reason for men being needed.

Due to a technicality.

Now women are renound for multi tasking...but they cant be the breadwinner/sports star and mother all at the same time. Hence the need for us men. Someone is going to need to do one of the above. Just because they cant do it all...but they would if they could.

So all it needs is for those clever women to devise some way of doing everything...no doubt they will.

Oh and they'll need a supreme leader...my vote is for Angelina Jolie. =]

DAMN I WONT BE ABLE TO VOTE!

The Forecast is Bleak

What the hell is up with the weather recently?!

Now I apologise in advance for being so British...we like talking about the weather- but most importantly- we like complaining about the weather.

But anyway, I am pretty darn sure that I recall weather experts- why they are called meteoroligists google only knows!- saying we were going to have a lovely hot summer. I have witnessed the hot bit, not the lovely. STUPID MOGGY/HUMID WEATHER!!!

I'm beginning to wonder though what the British weather forecasters think a 'lovely' day is. The British people quite clearly know that it means: blue sky, hot weather,( possibly with a cooling breeze). To put it into a situation...a lovely day was when Wimbledon could play a whole day without stopping, and without on-lookers not being tempted to even look at their brollies or rain coats. Of course the new presence of Wimbledon, being the roof, has meant that endless play can be seen. But the rule can still be applied to all other outside courts...and Henman Hill (apparently it's his until Murray actually wins it)

However, if the current weather is a 'lovely' day then forecasters have obviously got bored of praying for the Good Life, and are trying to bring the rest of Britain down to their gloomy- 5 day- outlook.

Now you would think after centuries of poor weather, and those glimmer of hopes that turned out to be just a glimmer, we would have learnt to lower our hopes for the next year... but no! we are so silly, we think that next summer will be that beautiful summer where Glastonbury is dry and hospital admissions soar because we are also stupid enough not to put on enough sun cream so we burn to hell!

You want to know my solution? Well you're going to anyway.

People should stop complaining...and go on holiday. Sorted. It also means you can get your mum or dad off work too!

Now THAT would lead to a perfect summers day =]